Inside Katherine

Long time no message...

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 00:06:29 GMT

Well, it certainly has been a long time since last I wrote. No real excuse, I guess, but things are finally looking up. I'm now finally graduating, I've got 9 exams left before I'm finally finished high school, which is exciting. I've already had HL Maths which was interesting - I mean the paper was challenging but a lot of the questions had come from past papers which was a huge relief and I think I only dropped a mark or two in the CORE, but the option was another matter entirely.

I've started NANOWRIMO again and am only 7000 words into the required 50000... Damnit!

Argh...

So, short entry to procrastinate.

Ciao

Goodness me!

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 05:26:31 GMT

God, how has time flown? It's really nothing more than a crappy day which induced me to write in my journal, but I always feel better afterwards. I'm sorry if I go on, but it's been a long day and a hard one. I don't know what to think or anything.

Start: Yesterday.

Failed a maths test (calculus), 10/29... Same as my friend emma; the teacher had her crying. Harsh. I'm so frustrated - I don't really care, I mean, I had a good excuse, but really. Then, everything was fine until I got to assembly. I was on duty, which meant I had to ring the bells and call the role. Sam said she'd supervise prep and put everyone to bed, so I went to the library to do some work on our IB Group IV project, which is being presented tomorrow. Fun Fun. I got there, and nobody else arrived for like 1/2 an hour and we didn't even get to do anything because they're (and I, i guess) are all bog lazy. Ugh. So, we departed without having done much.

I got back to the house and had just sat down to work on my maths, when I was interrupted by our head of house who needed to talk to me. I went to her study and we talked about the problems J and I had been having (J shares my study) but once we were sitting down, she brought out the big guns. Prefectship. Basically, she wanted to have an impromptu interview - which was fine - except that it was somewhat depressing. I came out feeling good, but a bit curious and frustrated as well - I mean I knew some of what she was saying already, in fact most of it, but I said some of *the stupidest things*! I'd really like to be a prefect, but she said it was going to be a small group and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not. I'm a very solitary person, by nature, and I dunno what to do - apparently my biggest fault is that I'm a bit of a loner.

Anyhow, progression. After that I had to sort out one of the day-boarders who will be staying here until further notice because her parents are having problems and she didn't have a towel or a doona or shampoo... I got her sorted and then had to put the year 10s to bed. Now, they were going on camp this morning and so last night they had to pack - which I have no problem with; except that packing should be done with the lights out so that I don't get into trouble... I wish I'd been lucky! Eventually I got them into bed, and went to put my own year to bed - hunh, that was easier than putting the year 10s to bed! By the time I'd finished that, I couldn't call home because it was too late and lights had to be out.

This morning, I got up early and finished the group iv project for chemistry, and then went to breakfast with the new girl. First class was maths - my teacher just wouldn't shut up! He began to talk about the benefits of law as a generalist degree... I mean, hello?! It was a HIGHER LEVEL MATHEMATICS class! We're not *stupid* you know!

So, I finally get out of that and go to chem - chem was cool. We're doing titrations and it was awesom fun... I'm pretty hopeless for a chem buff, but hey... Anyhow, by the time I got back for recess I decided I needed to spend more time with my year, and sat outside and talked to them for a bit - it was cool. I'm gonna try and do that more often, I think. French was boring, TOK sucked and then there was history.

I'll warn you now, getting me onto my rant about history is never a good idea. Until this term, I *loved* history. I thought it was amazing - I had a good teacher. Now, our teacher is on teaching exchange and I am left to deal with a blonde-headed bimbo who's got to be the most sickly-sweet anorexic I think I've ever met! I cannot stand her classes nor her teaching style, nor her either. And to put the icing on the cake, I'm supposed to be the history guru in our class and she's like acting as though she doesn't trust me and treating me like I plagiarize everything. Not to mention the fact that she treats us all like idiots - now, if I were an idiot, i don't think I'd resent that, but because I'm not... I HATE IT! Okay, I'm 17, I haven't had as long to learn the ways of the world as she has, but she doesn't need to talk down to me. I've yet to not understand the more advanced concepts she's thrown at us... I DON'T UNDERSTAND! English was cool, and here I am now.

Katherine's New Resolution:
1. Become Good Friends with members of house
2. Keep good grades
3. Keep positive.
4. Get House Colors.

Kateen

Darlings

Tue, 23 Sep 2003 05:10:02 GMT

I'm back home again, sitting in my brother's room downloading movies and listening to the Radio from Australia... Boy, do I live it up! Folly, our dog, is lying on my bro's bed and is completely stuffed from our rather exhausting 10km hike last Sunday. Since the hike, I've worked on my X-stitch and watched movie after movie, after movie. I'm contemplating, on Thursday, taking Mike (he's coming up to visit) to see something.

He gets here Tomorrow or Thursday some time, and I need to do some work between now and then, but I fully can't be f*cked. Oh well, I'll just fail and completely screw up my life... It's all good, right? Well, anyway, nothing really special is happening here... I'm picking up Lord of the Rings 2 and Tomb Raider 2... We'll see how that goes. If they're okay quality, I might even download some more.

Anyhow, I hope to god, I don't get bored this holidays

Athletics, Pizza and Problems

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 00:59:44 GMT

It seems like every time I write in this, I have a problem of some sort, but really that's because I never see the need to write about something if I'm having a good day or something's gone right.

It was the house athletics today and I believe my house won! Yay! We have pizza in the next little while to celebrate. I also get pizza on Tuesday as a reward for the band performance. Fantastic, no? That's the really, really good stuff! On another note, my mother was here and so was my dad. We met a few friends and I didn't really get time to talk to them, but it was fun, anyway.

What made the day a bit of a disaster, was that Alana scheduled me to work at the long jump from 1.30 through till 5.30 that's a bit much, don't you think? All in one hit! Anyway, I pointed out to here that it's not often my parents come down from Hong Kong and she said 'tough'... I was so disappointed at the lack of compassion. Okay, so I'm not perfect, but I'm quite happy to do someone a favor when they need it... I just asked for her to put me on for like half an hour or an hour, not four. And, I also needed to work at the wine stall because it was fundraising for my trip to peru at the end of next year.

Anyhow, I also got a case of the flu. Pizza's not coming (change of plans - Alana's too bloody disorganized) and I'm going to bed, coz I'm sick and need some sleep

Me

Thu, 11 Sep 2003 22:30:53 GMT

Last night, I died my hair a burnt chocolate brown (it was *meant* to be "golden copper brown" - but we can't have everything). I look good. I'm happy about it, too! Some people got really, really, really pissed at me for dying my hair - and I'm not talking about teachers, as I have yet to see a teacher's reaction - I don't really care (I really, really, really dislike some of the people in my house, anyway). I like it, and that's what matters.

I didn't get to talk to my parents, but there's still time. They should have already arrived in Melbourne; I might call them later. The power was off last night, so I didn't have a chance to charge my phone and call them before they took off. They're picking me up tonight, anyway, so it's all good. They're not to know I died my hair - it's going to be a surprise - so *please* don't tell them!

I have a German test today, and a Maths one too... Yeuch! I should be fine, though... I kinda studied for this one. Anyhow, I was bored and sick of studying so I decided it was time to write in the journal. I've finally remembered to bring Emma's present downstairs to take to her this morning - hope she likes it.

Breakfast was French Toast. I was sitting with three friends, when this guy from one of the other houses came and sat and started talking to me. We're friends, loosely (sort of a wave-nod-and-say-high friendship), and then my friends got up to leave. Now, I know it wasn't a set up or anything because; 1) I don't like him *that way* and 2) He doesn't have many friends and they *really* don't like him. So, I was left with him and couldn't leave until he'd finished eating. It was his birthday, too, so I would have felt really bad about being rude and leaving without him.

Anyhow, as I was packing and cleaning up this morning, I found some things from the leadership camp which I thought might be interesting and decided to provide them here. These are the five characteristics that I think most strongly represent who I am:

1. Intuitive [Ideas] - I understand ideas quickly without needing proof.
2. Knowledgeable - I like to learn thing from books and people who are experts.
3. Explorer - I like to explore new ways to do things and new ideas.
4. Mathematical - I like Maths: I understand numbers and Mathematical ideas and use them with concepts.
5. Reliable - I can be counted on to do what I say I'll do.

Anyhow, that's me... Or, at least, me as I see myself. I'm sure other people would bring in other qualities and remove a few of these, or order them differently. It's all a matter of perception.

Kateen

Of life, hair dye and cutting

Thu, 11 Sep 2003 10:21:19 GMT

Yah, I admit, the title leaves a lot to be desired and so does my day. It's strange how days can turn out to be such a bizarre mixture of good and bad and mediocre. I spent a lot of time listening to all the nonsense going on around me, and unfortunately I got wrapped up in it and don't know how to deal with it.

It started this morning when it came to my attention that a friend of mine had slashed her wrists, parallel to the vein that could have killed her. Not only once, but *three* times. I'm really worried about her. I confronted her, which was probably a mistake, and then left it. I've told her Head of House because she trusts her, and I think she's the right person to deal with this.

I also got my report which wasn't *nearly* as good as it should have been. It was still good, mind you, but it wasn't nearly as good as it should have been. I'm quite disappointed.

On another note, I'm leaving tomorrow for a couple of days with my parents. It was Matron's Birthday today. I'm dying my hair brown-ish tonight.

Love

Kateen

Of Days, good and bad

Wed, 10 Sep 2003 08:52:38 GMT

It's always strange, the way a good day lasts less time than a bad one. Today was, strangely, a good day. I was in a good mood when I woke up, although slightly grumpy at the thought of getting out of bed, and yeah - I was tired - but no more or less so than usual. Breakfast - a mug of coffee, some canned fruit - very proud of my restraint.

Dougie was having a bad day, so I listened to that all breakfast, and got teased on the way back to the house for talking to a guy in the morning - anyone would think the girls had never had a boyfriend... I'm not even dating him! I even learnt something in History today, despite having a hopeless teacher. German was somewhat productive, and I understood most of it... I'm still hurting about the 28/50 result in my mock exam, but I'll survive. Maths was also good; I understand all the calculus that we're doing; and it's actually enjoyable (at the moment)...

English wasn't so good, however, as I found out one of my friends has been 'cutting' herself and she'd promised me she'd stopped. I don't know what to do... Should I report it, or should I just let it go for a while and only tell someone if it gets worse? I don't want to lose her friendship. I'm worried though, my friends and I... we're so screwed up; lots of my friends are thinking about 'cutting' or doing it, or are bulimic or rexo... I'm worried... what if I do something stupid?

French was relatively boring, but we did a lot of preparation for our oral... L. O'B-E is now in our group and we *hate* each other... What am I gonna do? I just finished one of the reading comp's for French and only have two essays left to write for it.

Chemistry - now *there's* a story! The class, in itself, was boring. We're studying electrolysis, which I've done before and I'm relatively sick of. We didn't even get to do a practical! Aargh! Because I've done it before, I don't really pay attention in class, only listening when we're doing something new. Today wasn't one of those days.

Lunch was fine, I chatted with Em and Haz about the 'cutting' issue because Haz had seen the scars too, and was really worried. We're not sure what to do, but maybe together we can work it out. After lunch, I went back to the house to do some work, but didn't get any done before we were kicked out to go and support the runners in the House Athletics. My house is doing *really* well, by the way, and hopefully we'll win. I don't run, throw or jump... not being the sporty sort, but it was good fun.

It's Matron's birthday tomorrow, and we've got some gifts; so I've got to do a collection tonight and get everyone to sign a card for her. She's going off duty at recess tomorrow...

My Hairdye still hasn't arrived, and Vicki's paying me out 'cos it looks like I haven't washed my hair since Friday (which is bullshit, by the way) - the 'wash in - wash out' die I put in, hasn't washed out properly. When I get the new stuff, hopefully it will be better than what I've got now. I look good, though, with the red'ish hair.

Anyway, I was helping with the hurdles, when I was pulled aside by two teachers. My Chemistry teacher and one of the Public Speaking teachers. The Chemistry Teacher asked me how I thought I'd gone in the RACI National Chemistry Quiz... I said I thought I'd done okay...

I got a perfect score.

Not only do I get a high-distinction, but I also get a plaque and a certificate of excellence! I felt really good! I mean, because of my GCSE's I didn't find it *that* difficult, but I would have expected 90%, not a full score! I'm so happy, and proud, and I'm showing off... but that's okay, because it's not everyday that something like this happens.

The other teacher wanted to talk to me about Public Speaking, because I said I was interested in doing some in the near future. She's letting me join the Young Lion of the Year competition next term. It should be really good fun! Several of my friends won this, and another one last year and earlier this year...

So that was, as they say, that.

Kateen

Of Chapel, Work and Sundays

Sun, 07 Sep 2003 02:49:20 GMT

Good afternoon (although I really don't think it's the afternoon, until one's eaten lunch). I've had a somewhat productive morning, which is probably a good thing. Doing the IB and not working is usually conducive to a failing grade. I got up at around eight and straightened my hair, which, incidentally, is orange/red/pink (a die job gone bad, don't ask). I'm in a much better mood today and strangely enough, it's a direct result of chapel.

I'm atheist or, at least, I thought i was. Recently, I've started to see some meaning in the sermons given by our resident chaplains. Father Howard gave today's sermon and it was really interesting. His father was a welfare worker for the deaf and his grandparents were actually deaf. He discussed the idea that some people think that the bionic ear is a form of genocide and stated that he disagreed; the bible also disagrees, apparently - Jesus heals wounds, birth defects and numerous other problems that people have.

Now, forgive me if I sound a little hypocritical in the next few paragraphs, but I'm confused about my beliefs at the moment. I disagree with this search for physical perfection - i think it is wrong to discriminate against people because they can't hear/see/talk... whatever! But it seems to me, that the bible is supporting that (loosely, there is no blatant discrimination there). It strikes me as a little hypocritical that we should accept what god gave us when we were born, and then seek perfection through material change... Isn't that a bit too self-serving? Or am I reading this wrong?

Personally, I'm quite happy with what 'God' gave me, but then I have no obvious handicaps. Okay, so I'm female and I get my period every month, along with the usual mood swings... Forgive me. I have an enormous amount of respect for people who are born deaf, dumb or blind and go on to lead relatively normal (I hate that word) lives. I also agree that bionic ears and similar items have the potential to be a form of genocide, but I do believe that people should be allowed the choice of whether they want to hear or see or talk, or anything. Wouldn't it be hard to be so obviously different? Shouldn't they be allowed the choice?

If anyone has any comments about this, then I'd really love to hear your views. If I've misinterpreted the bible, or anything else, then please, email me - I'm really interested to hear some other people's views on this. My email is katherineaw@ggscorio.vic.edu.au

On another note, I'm busy writing my english essay and my theory of knowledge oral which are both due this week.

Love Kateen

Life, Stress and Me

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 09:25:37 GMT

I guess it's about time I updated my journal. I moved to Blogger temporarily, as school had a block on livejournal, but I'm back, and it's time I updated. Thanks to those who replied to my last post, I appreciate it. I'm sorry I never wrote another one.

I suppose I need to tell you about me, again. I'm not a happy person - I'm not a sad person, either. I don't feel. Have you ever felt alone in a room of people? That's how I feel all the time. Have you ever felt that everything's a bit pointless? I often feel that way. Do you ever feel like you have no control, and you hate it? I do. There are some people who can be perpetual optimists. I'm not one of them.

I'll start with what's really bothering me - or at least, what I think's really bothering me. My father was in town for the last week, but made no effort whatsoever to visit - nor did he try to hide this from me - he even came to school to drop something off to one of the teachers he's been doing business with, but didn't come and see me. Parents and Teachers think that you don't want to see your family, just because you're at boarding school. What the hell would they know? I know I, for one, like to see my family. Dad flew back to Hong Kong last night, that's fine. He and Mum are coming back next Friday. They're coming to the concert I'm performing in on Saturday and on Sunday they're coming to the Aths day. I'm excited.

My Grandma, on the other hand, said she'd love to come to the concert, when I invited her a few months back. She called me an hour ago to tell me that she can't come, because Richard (one of my cousins) is playing in a Church Service the day after and he was sure I wouldn't mind if she went to his concert. Of course I don't mind. I'm sixteen, and a girl, it's my job to make sure that everyone else is happy. It's like marking a math's paper. If the answer's right, the method is assumed to be correct. So long as the other ninety nine people in her life are happy, it doesn't matter about how Katherine feels.

Mum was suitably self-righteous on my behalf. Because of course, now that my parents are going to be there, I don't need Nan to be there. Richard, on the other hand, lives with his parents, and is (like his three siblings), pretty much taken care of by Nan, because Mary (their mother) and Chris (their father) are both Doctors and therefore have far more demands on their time than my parents (one is an Executive Director of an International Stock Broking Firm, and the Other runs 1500 acres of vineyards, flies to and from HK each week and runs a consulting business on the side). That's just a big pile of bullshit. The kids are just too lazy to help their parents, and their parents are too weak to make them. My Grandmother is too self-sacrificing and fucking predjudiced. Men are more important than women, of course, because they are the stronger of the Human Species. I'm unimportant because, clearly, I can take care of myself.

Sorry. I can only take care of myself because I learnt early on that nobody else was going to do it for me. My parents are great, and I love them dearly, but they truly don't have enough time to take care of me. I'm sixteen, anyway, almost seventeen, if I can't cook a few meals and make sure my brother can get to all his activities then I've been a bit too self-absorbed the last few years. In less than a year, I'll be going to Uni and I'll have to look after myself completely; It's probably good that I have to do so now, too.

I found these lyrics earlier and decided that maybe they should be my new motto...

Gotta find your inner strength
If you can't then just throw life away
Gotta learn to rely on you
Beauty, strenght, and wisdom, too
You're beautiful inside and out
Lead a great life without a doubt
Don't need a man to make things fair
'Cuz more than likely he won't be there
Listen girl, gotta know it's true
In the end all you've got is you

Sorry to sound like such a self-centred, bossy, bitch, but I've had a shitty couple of weeks. I'm beginning to feel like there is something wrong with me, because all my friends are changing and moving away from me. I'm starting to worry that maybe I'm meant to be alone. I mean, logically, I know that we're all just growing up and different events in our lives are changing us and I know that we can't be together as best friends forever, but at the same time, that doesn't stop me from wanting it. You know how you read all those fairy tales of the studious girl who was no real friends, and how she falls in love and suddenly everything's perfect? Well, I dream that that will be me - that I'll fall in love and I'll have the perfect partner, but then I worry... What if I overanalyze things? What if I do too many of the things that you read of in books or see on TV and I frighten him away, or what if I screw something up? I'm completely inexperienced at relationships, and it would be nice, just for once, to even have a boyfriend.

There are guys at school who are nice to me, Alex, Bank, Barney, Sil, Hugh, Cal... But they're not friends, they aren't interested in dating and I get really awkward around them. What's wrong with me? Am I right? Is there something wrong with me?

I filled out one of those stupid email survey's today, and one of the questions was "what is one of your goals?" my answer was "to be happy". Why aren't I normal? Why don't I have goals like everyone else? Or is my goal simply a weirdo's way of writing the same thing?

Kateen

Of Exeats, Teachers, and Disasters

Wed, 16 Oct 2002 10:44:11 GMT

I almost got suspended this week.</p>

Oops!

I'm at a boarding school (obviously) and my father dropped in for a surprise visit this sunday. Now, normally that isn't a problem, but when he takes you out for dinner and you leave a note, but don't tell anyone personally, it can be. I got back, only five minutes late, to face my punishment (my father present, to take the rap - of course).

My head of House then gave me a brief lecture and informed me that if she had her way, I'd be suspended, but luckily for me - she didn't, and so I'm still here, in this place I'm s'posed to call home.

Another Problem - I'm only allowed 8 days and 2 shopping trips outside the school, and I'm using two days this weekend for my aunt's b'day. Problem - I have dining hall duty for two Sundays this term, but the school Hospitality course runs thru the sundays that I'm on. I can't find anyone to swap with for Slush! AARGH! This means big shitsens! (Shitsens, new word that just found it's way into my head about 30 seconds ago - shows how angry i am).

My Parents aren't answering my phoen calls, and I'm feeling lonely here at skool. My grandparents aren't answering either, and neither are any of my friends from outside of school.

I've been writing non stop, but I don't like my writing 'cos it goes nowhere, and it's plotless, but you're welcome to read it on Fanfiction.net... I use Kateen as my alias there too.

Also, I'm having to make subject choices for year 11, and because I want to do both French and German, I'm not allowed to sit the International Baccalaureate - "It doesn't fit the timetable, dearie!" - and I have to do the VCE, or do two sciences or summing like that. I mean Jesus F*cking Christ! HOW F*CKING HARD CAN IT BE?

Somebody comfort me, please. I'm feeling really lonesome here, and thank you Nadia for the journal, 'cause I seriously needed to vent today. I promise there'll be another chapter of PPF in about 1/2 an hour!

Kateen

Of beginnings...

Wed, 25 Sep 2002 08:20:25 GMT

Well, I s'pose it's about time I started writing a journal. I'm fifteen and lets say that I'm not great at commitment to things like journals. I did once manage to keep a journal for six weeks on a holiday, in which I stuck the stubs of tickets and glued post-cards, but it was really a record of all the places I went.

To begin with, it would be fair to say that you probably deserve some background information on me, but please keep in mind that I don't like giving out information in any circumstances if I can help it. In a way, it's a habit I've learnt from one of my favorite literary characters - Ricardo Carlos Manoso (aka Ranger), found in Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels. There, you see, I'm getting off track...

I'm fifteen, I work under the alias Dister and Kateen on the internet and when I wish to remain relatively anonymous. I occasionally adopt other names, but prefer not to because as Abraham Lincoln said: "No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar," and it applies to women too, although I must say we are far more successful at lying than men.

I was born in Melbourne, Australia, and spent the first twelve and a half years of my life there, before moving to Hong Kong in 2000. I currently call Hong Kong home, but attend a boarding school in Australia. I've been there for approximately one term and finally made it to the holidays (you have no idea how much I was due for these holidays). I'm currently in Hong Kong, and slowly recovering from the 'boarding school hangover' which seems to last for days.

The last week in Boarding school terms involves excessive alcohol, little sleep and a lot of packing, not to mention normal classes and the day-to-day stresses of life for a teenager. So on the last day, not only did I have the typical side-effects of a drinking binge (headache, dry mouth, feeling like shit), I was absolutely exhausted and ready to shoot the first person who got in my way. It's a good thing that guns are illegal in Australia, or I'd probably be up for murder now).

So, I got back to Hong Kong, and was quickly introduced by a friend of mine from the underworld of Fan Fiction on the Internet, to Live Journal, and so now, I'm going to *try* and keep a journal for more than one or two entries...

Now, however, I'm gonna go, because there is plenty of work to do, but I'll try and write later tonight or early tomorrow morning...

Ciao: Kateen!